dear Molly,
you are almost six months old.
i really can't wrap my head around that, but it's true.
your brothers had their own websites on which i wrote to
them. Matthew's has about six times as many entries as Gavin's. you, my dear,
will be lucky to have half as many as Gavin. welcome to being the youngest of three. but you have something neither of
them had until recently—all of me, all day, every day. which i hope will prove
a lot more meaningful than posts on a website.
still, i want to remember this time in your life, and i want
you to know what you were like, how i felt, and why. in particular...
— it's true that when i first learned i was pregnant with you,
i was very, very nervous. i was worried for you, worried for your brothers,
worried for your daddy and for myself. but not a day goes by now that i don't
think she was meant to be.
you are a gift, Molly Claire. the best kind of surprise in the world, and in
fact i spend a large part of every day feeling gratitude for your very existence.
— you are sunshine personified. you smiled your first smile
before you were a month old, and you haven't stopped smiling since, and anyone
who catches a glimpse of your smile turns into sunshine themselves. it's
amazing. you exude joy and happiness (and, yes, drool and a few other things),
and if there's one thing i wish for you right now it's that you always do, that
you grow into one of those people who can find the joy and happiness where no
one else can. because the world needs more of those kinds of people.
— you are growing so very quickly, and it makes me both
ecstatic and melancholy. it's thrilling to watch you discover new things—like
what you can do with your hands, or that you can pretty much stand up holding
onto something for several seconds at a time already—but jeez, it's all
happening so fast, there's no time for me to soak it all in. i remind myself
constantly what a privilege and adventure it is, being here to see you grow, that you are, indeed, growing.
there's no room for melancholy! i just wouldn't mind it slowing down a little teeny bit.
— you are adored by many, many people, but it's hard to find
bigger fans than your brothers and your daddy. (and judging by the look on your
face when any of them is near, the feeling is mutual.) you have three fearless
protectors built right in to your family. god help them the first time you
experience any kind of pain—they will take it far harder than you do! you are a
very lucky little girl to have such a circle of strength and head-over-heels
gaga love around you. so please forgive them when they act like boys, stink up the room or pull your hair or (accidentally) hit you in the head with a ball or a truck. just do what i do—roll your eyes and let it go.
— you're my best friend forever. i told you that the other day
when we were shopping together. i said to you, as you sat in your car seat
tucked in the cart, chewing contentedly on your thumb, "you don't have a choice: i'm
your best friend and you're mine, the end." some people don't believe
parents and children can or should be best friends, but i'm not one of them. i
am all for it. you may, someday, find much cooler, hipper, more exciting
friends to hang out with, but i'm pretty sure you'll never find one who loves you as much as i do.
— but that doesn't mean i'm never going to make you mad, or
annoyed, or that i will always understand you perfectly. and vice versa. we are both going to mess up
so much, Mollybean. confession: before you came along i had convinced myself that i was
meant to be the mama of only boys, as i've never been very good at being a girl. (it's
taken me 38 years to realize and accept that it's plenty good just to be me. i hope i can pass that along to
you—by example more than anything else—long before you find your first gray
hair.) anyway, i want you to know that while i am here to guide and teach you, for as long as
you need me to, you've already been teaching me. i know i will be
learning just as much from you in our time together as you do from me. probably
even more. and i think that's pretty fantastic.
you have changed my life, little Bean, utterly and
completely and absolutely perfectly. thank you so much.
i love you forever & always,
mama
mbm
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